Summary: I don't know how I can do without ...I just need you now.
Warning!: Bulimia, depression and other stuff but I don't know what to label is.
A/N This is just a drabble that sprang to mind. I am sorry if it is a pile of crap.
Everything around me seemed so black, so empty...so lonely. As I sat on the cold tiles of the bathroom floor shaking. It could of been from the cold or the ache in my heart but I couldn't stand the loneliness . I wanted him so bad that I could feel the pain physically.
My skin hurt so much, Was I that ugly? Did he hate me that much?
Every thing seemed so perfect before... we would lay so close nothing could get in between us, a crisp white sheet was the only thing that covered us. We would lay in each others arms, barely speaking just comfortable in our in out silent gaze. He would bite his lip gently as he looked to my own lips as if asking if he could touch them once more before we had to get up and get on with our daily lives.
Oh I would give anything to get that back....anything
I grasp the edge of the bathroom sink pulling myself up with the little strength I had left. I looked at myself in the fogged up mirror for the first time in what seemed like ever. The mirror was fogged because of the shower but oh how much I wish it would be like that forever.
I didn't want to look at myself, If I made him that sick of me, so sick that he hadn't contacted me for days. He knew my biggest fear was being left alone. Like some mangy mutt that everyone had gotten sick of and chained up at the side of hauntingly dismal road knowing no one would come to save me.
I looked back the toilet, looking at the contents that I had so forcefully thrown up that specks of blood scattered the floor.
There was knock on the bathroom door "Ryeowook-ah, are you in there?"
The deep rough voice shocked me. It was him! It was really him, had he comeback to me? I quickly flushed the contents of toilets and drop the towel on the floor to wipe up the drops of blood.
I made sure to wipe my eyes and clear my throat before answering. "Jongwoonie Hyung?"
"Yeah It is me, Can I come in?" the rough voice felt like it was cradling me softly telling me everything was alright.
I walk over to the door unlocking and pulling it open slightly. I could believe he was there, right in front of my eyes. Wearing the jean's I had bought him when I was in China.
He stepped passed the door and closing it as he did. "Are you okay baby?" His thumb traced under my eyes clearly noticing how red and puffy they were. "have you been crying?"
I let a short laugh I tried to restrain the hysteria slowly seeping out "Oh, I got shampoo in my eyes, It is nothing" I willed the desperate cry in my throat to go some where...anywhere other than out my mouth. I could see his dark chocolate eyes studying me to see if I was lying, I was hoping he would see pass it. I don't want him to see me like this, I don't want him to see me how I really am.
"Where have you been?" I asked trying to sound casual.
"Oh my schedule has been jammed, I have had to sleep in cars and stuff and I lost my phone. I am so sorry I couldn't contact you" He wrapped his arms around my waist and his head in to my neck "I really missed you" he mumbled.
"Yeah I really missed you too" I tightened my arms around him, really not wanting to ever let him go ever again. I hate it so much when he isn't near me, it feel's like my whole world could collapse any minute when he isn't near.
I wonder if he thinks about me as much as I do him, I wonder if he realises that every time I am forcing my fingers down my throat or contemplating taking one more pill that I am doing it all for him.
He will never see the real me, how I suffer when he isn't near.
To him I am perfect and I plan on staying that way.
I wonder if he knows that I think about us being together forever...even in death?